Thursday, February 12, 2015

The 401-J

     Pretty much every parent that I know thinks that their kids are awesome.  Future Major Leaguers or Heisman Trophy winners.  Future Doctors and Lawyers.  Future Presidents and Nuclear Physicists too!  My children are my greatest accomplishment, and everything else pales in comparison.  So when I was asked the other day what plans I had for retirement, outside of living somewhere tropical- it took me only one second to state my plans.  I have the greatest retirement plan known to man or woman for that matter.  The 401-J.  What is the 401-J you might ask?  That my friend is my ace in the hole.  I could bet the proverbial house on the success of that venture, and I may just do that.  The 401-J can't lose!  To be honest, even if it did, I've got a backup to my foolproof plan- The 401-M.  J for Jesse.  M for Maddie.  Banking on success?  You bet your sweet booty I am!  I expect nothing less, and why should I?

     My children are unique, and each in their own way.  Jesse is a baller.  Just ask him, he'll tell you.  Not cocky mind you, but confident in the fact that he loves to play the game.  He may not be the best there is, the best there was, or the best that there is ever gonna be, but I can guarantee you this- he's always trying to be better.  Get better.  Try more.  Go harder.  Any game.  Any time.  Always has, and I suspect he'll be competing at something forever.  He loves to win, and hates to lose, but does it with class if he tastes defeat.  Just like I taught him.  You learn more from losing than you do from winning in my humble opinion.  You can chase all the trophies out there in this life, but if you don't learn how to fail you can't truly be successful.  You have to know that you can take the shots and keep on keepin' on.  If you don't lose well, you won't win well.  You can use that quote if you like.  No charge.  This time only.  Good ole' J is a smart cookie too.  Straight A's, Math Team, and can argue a point better than most.  He even convinces yours truly of his arguments and makes me adjust my own at times, and trust me when I say that is a tall order.  I was born with the soul of a Grifter, and I can argue with anyone- plus I have, let's say, a certain gift for communication.  J is good though, and I could easily see him as a lawyer one day.  He'll never make a doctor, because he's too squeamish.  I would have to say that what allows me to put my faith in the future of the 401-J without a doubt, resides in the young mans heart.  You will not find one stronger or more giving.  A kind soul, he would do anything for anybody.   A good boy that will be a fine young man.  Success will follow.  I know this to be true.  He came from good stock, though.  I'm speaking of his mother of course.

     It should be mentioned that the boy has fruit loop tendencies at times, and he can be quite the squirrel if threatened.  High risk, high reward?  I say it is sound planning to count on the 401-J, because with hard work, dedication, and a heart the size of Texas- how can I lose?  My backup plan is equally as impressive only in different ways.  Betting on M is only risky if you think you've got her figured out, because just when you think you know the answer she changes the questions.

     Miss Maddie with eyes of clear crystal blue.  Beautiful but tough, and down right dangerous at times.  She could be a linebacker or a MMA fighter, and at the same time be a princess.  A riddle wrapped inside a mystery, wrapped inside an enigma.  Bottom line would be that she can do anything.  Tough with street smarts and determination that most folks would love to have.  The returns on a 401-M would be worthwhile and rewarding!  While her partner in crime, the above mentioned J, is more of a smarty savvy kind a guy Maddie is clearly on the slick but tough end of the spectrum.  Quick on her feet and with that priceless wit, and in fact just the other day she jumped in the backseat of my vehicle and did not put her seatbelt on right away.  I told her, "Maddie if you don't put your seatbelt on the police will put you in the jailhouse."  She responded matter of factly, "Don't worry daddy, I'll hide in the backseat they won't be able to see me."  I don't know exactly how to feel about that response, but it gets better.  Leaving her school the other day I entrusted her with hanging my pick up line sign on the back of the driver's seat.  You see this sign is of the utmost importance, and without it I cannot retrieve Maddie from the school.  I guess they would just keep her, but I'm not clear on the exact outcome.  I told her, "Be sure to hang up that sign, because if you don't they won't let you go home with me."  She looked at me and said in all seriousness, "That's ok, I'll just walk home."  Aces that kid.  Total aces.  She's got a way, and she's crafty too.

     Maddie has a bit of a mean streak though, and she will layeth the smacketh down if you challenge her.  Tough chick but with a heart of gold.  I can bank on the lovely Miss Madino doing something to brighten my day just about every single day of my life.  My little girl is an original, and just like her brother a good investment for my future comfort.

      So, the 401-J is a great investment, and if you combine that with a 401-M the potential success is limitless!  Only a few obstacles, and I hate obstacles.  I normally pronounce the word, Ob-stack-els, to show my disdain for said irritants.  However, J has to marry a woman that is fond of dear old dad, because I plan on being involved in his future endeavors.  Maddie should just stay single, because she will never find someone good enough to begin with.  At least in my eyes.  I can relax now, and look forward to retiring to a lovely beach somewhere with my lovely wife Cheryl, who had a lot to do with the success of my retirement plans also.  Good planning on my part.