Friday, October 11, 2013

The Princess and The Pimp: A Halloween Love Story

     It was a dark and stormy night.  The rain fell and the thunder clapped.  A fog rolled over the local cemetery, and covered it like a blanket.  The young man walked into this resting place for the dearly departed with his heart racing, and sweat on his brow.  Fear was in the air, and he was gripped with sheer terror.  Then he heard a moan.  A moan that sent a chill down his spine.  He began to move quicker.  He moved with a sense of purpose to escape the fear that gripped him.  The faster he moved, the more pronounced the horrible shrill of a moan became.  The rain fell more now, and his vision became impaired.  The fog covered him.....It was if his heart would explode in his chest, and then out of nowhere a hand reached for his very soul.  The young man was taken by a.....Sorry to interrupt this scary Halloween story, but I want to write about some Halloween related incidents.  First off, the story of Jesse the Witch that was supposed to be a wizard, then the Princess and the Pimp, and finally to finish it off a little old school South Side of Birmingham Halloween action.  We will return to your regularly scheduled programming in its entirety.
     On Halloween a few years ago, Jesse wanted to be a wizard.  I suppose it had to do with Harry Potter or something.  His mother was placed in charge of making young J-Jam Wizardly.  Maddie dressed up like a Princess and I was basically going as a nutcase/madman with a hockey mask on.  Not too different from every day, only with a hockey mask.  I don't normally go about my day to day activities looking like Jason Voorhies.  Once everyone was dressed and ready to go I noticed that Jesse looked a lot like a witch.  I asked my dear wife, "Cheryl, is he a witch?"  She responded, "Of course not, he's a wizard!"  I said, "Well, he looks an awful lot like a witch.  Not that there's anything wrong with that."  Jesse was definitely witchly, but we went about our Halloween festivities anyway.  We were walking around our neighborhood and passers by kept commenting, "What a great witch costume." or "She's a pretty witch!"  I kept trying to tell these people that the boy was a wizard, but it didn't matter.  Jesse was immune to this confusion about his costume choice, so we kept moving.  When you walk up to doors while trick or treating, most people will attempt to guess the costumes the children are wearing.  Jesse was labeled a witch.  I kept telling them that he was labeled incorrectly, but this unfortunately incorrect identification continued to occur.  It got to the point that I gave the people a heads up prior to the 'Trick or Treat" formality.  I said, "I know he looks like a witch, but #1- he's a boy and #2- he's a wizard.  Thank you for your assistance in this matter."  I'm glad that Jesse is pretty enough to be looked upon as a girl, I guess, but the boy was a wizard.  After our lovely Halloween activities I posted some pictures on Facebook, and the first comment was, "Why is Jesse dressed like a witch?"  Appreciate ya Harry Potter.
     My wife and I got Married on June 6, 1998, but we were engaged around Halloween the year before.  That Halloween we went to a costume party, and she wore her freshly purchased estate piece engagement ring.  At this point I had not met my future in-laws, but photographs were taken of our adventures.  I was dressed as a pimp.  A pimp wearing a white-belt and white shoes, no doubt.  This was going to be the introduction that my wife's fine parents got of her future husband.  Their daughter the Doctor had went off to Alabama, and married a pimp.  A redneck pimp on top of that.  If you look at the pictures closely you will see the ring, and I think I made a pretty good pimp.  I reckon if it all goes to pot around here, I could have a career as a pimp-impersonator.  You have to plan ahead.  Well, long story short, we buried the pictures.  I officially met my future mother and father in Wisconsin, and the pimp story was forgotten.  That is until now.  These pictures have never seen the light of day....until now.  They are posted here for remembrance, and just plain comedy.  They are pretty funny, and we look so young.  Well anyway.  The pimp landed an angel back on Halloween in 1997.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
     Halloween used to be really cool back in the day.  Outside of watching out for some razor blades in those apples, that nobody really gave out to begin with, we had some fun.  The Jaycees haunted house, The Verdict, and of course dressing up and going to South Side.  They had a thing down there by the old Louie Louie that went toward the fountain, like a gauntlet of fear.  Folks dressed up in all kinds of costumes mingled with the traffic, and tried to scare the crap out of people.  This was some fun stuff.  I dressed up from time to time, and did my part too.  On one occasion I had my scary old man mask on, and I actually jumped onto a car.  This kind of thing wasn't encouraged, but I was a rogue youngster.  Well, the mask I was wearing came flying off and I ended up looking through the windshield of this car minus a mask.  It was just my 16 year old face looking at the people in the vehicle.  The funny part was, that after a pause...They looked at me, and screamed like I was Freddy Kreuger or something.  You had to be there, but it was funny.  I guess as the old saying goes, "I've got a face for radio." Or writing a blog, I suppose.
     There goes a few Halloween related stories, and I hope you had as much fun reading them, as we had living them.  Halloween is a lot of fun, and I can't wait to see what the kids dress up as this year.  Oh, by the way, the young man escaped the cemetery unscathed, and wrote a blog post about it.  Happy Halloween!