Thursday, September 12, 2013

War Pigs in a Prius

     Since my Uber Dad turn several years ago there has really never been a dull moment around La Casa de Perry.  There is always something going on, and normally these occurrences can have a little bit of humor to them.  Hence, this blog.  I have absolutely enjoyed my time as Jesse and Maddie's dad so far, and I look forward with much anticipation to continuing my beloved job.  Maybe one of these days when my kids have kids of their own, they'll let the old man babysit.  Then I can do it all over again.  Regardless, I'm trying to absorb all these awesome days and nights now!  This bunch of mine are quite the company let me tell ya!  Cheryl and I are what I would call "blessed" to be sure.  George Bernard Shaw once said, "A happy family is but an earlier heaven."  I agree, but on the other hand Cary Grant said, "Insanity runs in my family.  It practically gallops."  Either way.  We good.  This particular post is a mash up of sorts.  Recent events include, but are not limited to:  Listening to War Pigs while riding in a Prius, funny tasting freezy pops, and "Mad Dog" Maddie the wrestler.  So with no further ado.  What is ado and why should we not have any further of it, anyway.  I may have said that before, but it bears repeating.
     My wife, Cheryl is as Liberal as the day is long.  She's a Democrat, a Vegetarian, and probably missed her chance to be a tree hugging hippy to be completely honest.  But, I love her, regardless of her political affiliation, what she eats, or hippy or no hippy.  Heck, I had my Summer of Love back in 1991- but that is another story that does not bear repeating.  So, Cheryl could not wait to go out and buy one of those hybrid cars that you can drive to China and back with one tank of gas.  I'm more of a Pick-up truck or old beat up Chevelle kinda guy, but that's neither here nor there.  She bought this vehicle a few years ago, and except for being extremely small and not having a whole lot of pick up, it's been a pretty good car.  The problem is that sometimes I forget I'm driving a Toyota Prius, and it's really hard to look cool driving a Toyota Prius.  I'm the kind of guy that will play his music really loud in the car, and sing along at the top of my lungs.  I've been known to do a little car-dancing too, and I got some moves for your average white boy.  The other day I was rocking out in the car, and several great songs came on back to back.  I had some Pink Floyd, Bon Jovi, a little RATT, and finally to top it all off Black Sabbath hit.  Not just any Black Sabbath song mind you, but the mother of all Black Sabbath songs...War Pigs!  I was getting into my rockin' in the car by this point, and banging my head and all that stuff.  For a moment there it was like a flash back to 1988 without all the hair.  I was carrying on something fierce, and then I pulled up to a red light.  The look on the face of the passengers in the car beside me was priceless.  It was one of those moments when you realize you're being watched, and are all of a sudden a little self-conscious.  I can only imagine what they saw though, a big bald-headed man banging his head, screaming, hands in the air, eyes wide open with a crazy look.....all while driving a Toyota Prius.  There you go.  It's a shame Jesse wasn't with me.  He gets embarrassed when I turn Guns 'n Roses up too loud dropping him off at the school.  Of course then I have to do the loud, "I Love You Man!!" To embarrass him further.  Well it's all good I suppose, and I'm cool with it.  Funny, the stuff that you're cool with as you get older.  I'm gonna keep on rockin', and to quote Jon Bon Jovi, "I'm gonna live while I'm alive, and sleep when I'm dead!"
     I don't know about you, but I love me some freezy pops.  I can eat untold numbers of those frozen sugar water, should be a controlled substance, full of empty calories, bits of awesome.  Jesse, Maddie, and Cheryl all like them too.  We don't buy them as much as we once did, but every now and then we'll get a few.  I'm a freezy pop snob to be honest.  The dollar store brand is not up to par.  Fla-Vor-Ice leaves me wanting more.  The ones with half creamy goo gunky stuff are just gross.  My all time favorite freezy pops are Otter Pops.  Ya'll know the ones I'm talking about....they had characters that went with the flavors.  You had Sir Isaac Lime, Strawberry Short Kook, Louie Bloo Raspberry, and Alexander the Grape just to name a few.  Those things were top notch as far as freezy pops go!  I have to admit though the best freezy pop I have ever had was given to me by my Sister-in-Law in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  These things were freezy pops on steroids, and were about a yard long.  Tasted amazing!  She had to special order the things, and the Cream Soda flavor was to die for!  The other day we were hanging out around the house on a Sunday evening, and Jesse found the remnants of some older freezy pops in the freezer.  I don't really know how long they had been there, but I can't really see how those things can go bad.  He cut the end off with the scissors and went to town, but shortly after starting to eat the treat he said, "Dad this freezy pop tastes like pool water."  I said, "Really?"  Jesse then went on to say, "Yea, it tastes really bad.....here Mom."  As if Mom wanted the pool water flavored freezy pop in the first place.  This is similar to the children wanting to spit stuff out, and it always seems to be Mom's hand that catches the spat food.  They don't come at me with that stuff.  I don't do spit in the hand.  Anyway, point is..freezy pops are awesome, as long as they haven't been in the freezer since George W. Bush was in office.
     I have a guilty pleasure of watching "Rasslin" on TV.  I grew up watching the likes of Tommy "Wildfire" Rich, Buzz Sawyer, Austin Idol, "Bullet" Bob Armstrong, and Ric Flair.....Woooo!  These days my favorite by far is CM Punk, and I really get a kick out of watching these guys.  It's mindless fun.  Kinda like a soap opera with violence.  I mean good fake violence.  Well, not fake.  Choreographed.  Jesse was really into watching the stuff for quite a while, but lately he plays his Minecraft or whatever you call that computer game.  Maddie, on the other hand will put you in the figure four leglock in a heartbeat.  My little girl is quite the master of the squared circle.  She knows all the moves.  She knows how to do a tomahawk chop, and she'll even try a choke slam if she's feeling frisky.  I've seen her climb the couch and try to fly off of it like Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka.  Big Mama Buzzkill always halts the nonsense before someone gets hurt.  Maddie has a flying headbutt that is something to behold.  A thing of beauty, really.  Jesse gets in on the action too, and he still pays attention while playing on the computer.  Jesse is more of a finesse type, but Maddie is a pure bruiser.  She's a brawler, and you better watch yourself, cause she'll put the smack down on you before you know it.  If you smell, What Mad Dog Maddie is cookin'!!
     You know what I've come to realize....I've got the best job in the whole world.  No doubt about it.  Movie Star?  Got nothing on me.  Pro-Football Player?  Small potatoes.  I get to be a dad, everyday, all the time.  I'm a rich man.  Not monetarily mind you, but rich in a philosophical sense.  Philosophy don't pay the bills, though.  Big Mama Buzzkill does that.  I'm out.