Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Uber Prognosticator: My Picks for Week 3 (Because I Can!)

     I know what you're thinking:  Football picks?  Isn't that a little bit off topic for this blog? is, but I can kinda do what I want around here.  There's really no rules to this blogging stuff.  I'm a no rules kind of guy anyway.  I've survived on my wits and instincts this long (sort of).  Just a warning:  I'm no Jimmy the Greek here so Please no Wagering!  The fearless prognosticator was undefeated last week.  Mainly because I didn't make any picks, but that's only a formality.  On to the picks!

#1 Alabama vs. #6 Texas A&M- It's my policy to never pick Alabama games, because of the potential jinx I could place on my beloved Tide.  I will say this though:  This game has Karma written all over it.  Johnny Flippin Football has been dancing on thin ice for quite some time now, and I believe a comeuppance may be in order.  Karma is a female dog.  C.J. Mosely may give Johnny an Autograph of his own though.  Just remember, Nick Saban is pretty good in revenge games.
The Verdict: No pick due to superstition.

#2 Oregon vs. Tennessee- Quack. Quack.  The only way Tennessee makes this interesting is if Peyton Manning suits up for the Volunteers.  Oregon wins going away.
The Verdict: Oregon 49, Tennessee 10

#13 South Carolina vs. Vanderbilt- The Ol' Ball Coach should have the Gamecocks ready after the loss in Athens.  Clowney runs wind sprints this week, and maybe he finally shows up in shape.  Vandy is tough, but they're outmatched here.
The Verdict: South Carolina 28, Vanderbilt 14

#25 Ole Miss vs. Texas- Texas lost to BYU.  Ole Miss has got the guy who coached in the "Blind Side" on the sideline.  As much as I want to pick Ole Miss here, I can't.  Ole Miss will play well, but they're still Ole Miss.  Texas plays much better than last week.  Altitude maybe?
The Verdict: Texas 28, Ole Miss 21

#20 Wisconsin vs. Arizona St.- Wisconsin is like my second home so I wanted to pick the Badger game.  Da Badgers will put a whoopin on Arizona St.  You Betcha!  On Wisconsin!
The Verdict: Wisconsin 35, Arizona St. 7

Auburn vs. Mississippi State- The Gus Bus is rolling, and Auburn is 2-0.  Everything in my head is telling me to pick Mississippi State here.  It's true, I really don't like Auburn, and I normally wouldn't pick Auburn for any reason.  However, this Auburn team has confidence, and this Auburn team also has talent.  Raw talent, but talent nonetheless.  As much as it pains me to say it Auburn takes this one.  Don't get too cocky though.  It's a long season, and it only gets tougher from here.
The Verdict: Auburn 28, Mississippi State 17

Morris Blue Devils vs. Southeastern- I've got to say this Morris bunch is for real.  High powered Offense and a Physically dominating Defense!  These fellas can really get after it.  Morris is undefeated on the year at 2-0.  I'm not really sure what Southeastern's record is, but I'm sure they are a fine football team.  Those Blue Devils are a fierce bunch, and I can't really pick against ever!  Rock on boys and Play like Champions!
The Verdict: Pain for the Opposition!  Blue Devils Win!  Also, a very loud bald man is liable to give a rousing, inspirational, and motivational Pre-Game speech.  Heck, that's worth the price of admission.

     Well there you have it, all games picked.  No reason to watch any football this weekend, because you already know the outcome courtesy of "The Uber Prognosticator."  On a side note, if BAMA loses Saturday in College Station things will get tense around here.  I won't climb a clock tower with a high powered rifle or kill any trees or anything like that, but depression will likely set in.  To all my BAMA brethren:  September 11th would have been Coach Bryant's 100th birthday, and I've got a hunch that he's already put a word in with the man upstairs about the Tide needing to win for his 100th birthday.  Sounds reasonable to me.  Roll Tide and Go Devils!