Monday, September 2, 2013

The Return of MIA the GPS in: The Appalachian Adventure

     Well, we woke up to a rainy Labor Day around here and it could possibly hamper our plans for frolicking!  I love to frolic, and I am a champion frolicker from way back.  However, that is not the reason for this post.  Frolicking aside, I would like to share a story that involves my old friend Mia the GPS.  Mia may be a bit on the cranky side, but she does know her stuff.  This past Saturday Jesse's football team, the Morris Blue Devils, had a game in Appalachian.  Never been to Appalachian, so I had to call in the assistance of Mia.  The Blue Devils won, by the way, 28-14 and all of those young men played hard and got after it.  I was proud to watch those fellows play the wonderful game of football like they did, and they deserved that great win!  Jesse played well and had several tackles (I think 4, but it may have been more), blocked like a boss at fullback and wide-out, and had an interception at the end of the game to seal the deal!  It was probably already sealed, but it was still exciting!  That's just half of the story, and they say the journey is half the fun.  So let's experience my journey to Appalachian!
     The morning began with the lovely Cheryl programming Mia to take me to Appalachian.  Maddie was concerned about Mia going with me, and was quoted as saying, "Mia will be sad going with daddy, because he's not nice to her.  He's mean to her."  In my defense, I know my relationship with Mia has been strained but I'm willing to admit that she knows where she's going, and she better cause after all she's a GPS.  Mia's route was odd, and it was going in the opposite direction of where I thought we should be going.  I was skeptical and I thought about winging it, and using my phone with Jesse as navigator but then I remembered something my Mother in Law (Arlene) said about Mia.  She said, "You need to do exactly what Mia says!"  She's like my mother anyway so you gotta listen to Mama, Right?  I began to accept my fate, and understand that Mia is like all the other women in my life and they just want to tell me where to go.  So the journey began, and we headed South when I thought for sure Blount County was North, but again, I'm no GPS.  I decided I would follow Mia to the ends of the earth, and there were times on this trip that I thought we were there, let me tell you.  I started to become concerned when I saw a sign that said, "Chattanooga."  That would have been OK if we were playing a youth football game in Tennessee, but I was trying to get to Blount County.  Mia had us go way back in the woods, "God's Country" to be sure, and at one point she said, "In one quarter mile turn right."  We were so off the beaten path that I thought, "Unless this football field is behind that trailer over there we can't turn right!"  I was wrong (go figure) and there was a place to turn right that just appeared out of nowhere.  I had jumped to an inaccurate conclusion (surprising I know.)  Mia then decided to take us up the side of a mountain.  Seriously, straight up a mountain, I kid you not.  Thus, the whole Appalachian destination, I guess.  At one point near the top of the mountain we passed a "Snake Crossing"- seriously.  Then as we winded around this mountain pass (Reminded me of some places in Gatlinburg in the Great Smokey Mountains) we saw two trucks blocking our way.  They didn't seem like they wanted to move.  One of the guys looked like Grizzly Adams and the other looked like Vincent Price.  I thought, "Well, it's all over now, I reckon.  I've seen "Deliverance" and I ain't no Ned Beatty.  I'll go down swinging.  I'm bringing the pain."  I swear I heard "Dueling Banjos" playing.....Really Loudly!  Luckily, the trucks allowed us to pass.  False alarm.  I started to wonder, "Where in the Hell are we, anyway!"  I began to think that this was Mia's revenge for the whole calling her drunk thing in a previous blog post, and then she said, "Turn Right and you have reached your destination."  Amazingly, poof, we're at Appalachian High School.  This was kind of like an out of body experience or something, because I can't figure out how we got there but we did.  Thanks Mia.  We should work on our relationship, and I'm willing to try a little harder to get along.  You could have avoided the whole Mountainous terrain thing, though.  Just saying.
     A thought occurred to me Saturday Night as I was watching the mighty Crimson Tide of Alabama dismantle Virginia Tech, and I noticed that my lovely wife Cheryl was asleep.  Sleeping during a BAMA game is just wrong, and something has to be wrong with that sort of behavior.  The thought I'm referring to is that "Opposites Attract," and sleeping during a football game while I'm yelling at the TV screen is a prime example of this.  Some other evidence of this is that Cheryl, "Opted Out" of History while pursuing her PhD.  Seriously, opted out of History.  For the love of Zeus!  That is just wrong.  She's a vegetarian, and I'm a fan of the "Holy Cow Special" at Hamburger Heaven.  She watches shows like:  Design Star, America's Next Top Model, What Not to Wear, Project Runway etc.  I watch stuff like:  Ancient Aliens, America Unearthed, and Modern Marvels (The show on "Dirt" is Top Notch by the way.)  Cheryl lives in a land of rainbows and Unicorns, and believes that people are inherently good.  I trust no one, and understand that world is an arm pit.  The bottom line is that regardless of all this disagreement about politics, beliefs, football, and other stuff I still feel like I found the one I'm supposed to be with.  Thus, Opposites do indeed attract.  You can't really get more opposite than us that's for sure.  I hope she feels the same way, and I know I'm not easy to get along with but the good normally outweighs the bad.  That's all I guess.  How in the Heck can you opt out of History, anyway.  More importantly, why in the world would you want to?  No George Washington, No Ancient Greece, No Rome, No Louis XIV, and no Cherokee, Chickasaw, Choctaw, Creek......That's hard for me to wrap my head around.
     Well there's my story and I'm sticking to it.  This weekend saw a big win by those Blue Devils, a Big win by the Alabama Crimson Tide, the Wisconsin Badgers won too (I have to give them props, cause I feel like I'm at least part Wisconsinite) and now it's time to frolic, rain or not.  Looking forward to it!  Everyone out there have an awesome Labor Day, and we'll catch you on the next episode!  I've got to prepare a History Lesson for Cheryl....We gone!