The first day of school has came and went with no real issue or problems. We have shifted completely into a fall-like mode at the Perry house. Football and schoolwork are the dominate forces around here lately, and that is as it should be. This football and school state of mind caused me to have an epiphany while cutting grass the other day. I want to re-play the 1989 football game between Fultondale and Mortimer Jordan. This is a "grass" roots campaign, pun intended, and I think if us old men didn't kill ourselves this could be a awesome exercise in the re-creation of history. If you played in that game or you would just like to see a bunch of 40 something year old men dress out in full football gear to re-play a long forgotten (by some) football game from nearly a quarter of a century ago...keep reading. I am also going to spin a yarn about "Toilet Paper Rustling" and "Yellow Jackets will make you do stupid stuff" while I'm at it. Tee it up!
My Senior year of high school was all in all a pretty awesome experience, and produced many outstanding memories that will stay with me a lifetime. However, there was one event that will forever be seared into my memory. This event has stuck in my craw for nearly 25 years. It was a football game, and it was a highly competitive contest between Fultondale and Mortimer Jordan. The final score was 7-6, and only a missed extra point separated these two teams when the final whistle blew. You can probably figure out which team came up on the losing end here. I was a Senior at Fultondale High School for that 1989-90 season that had so much promise, and this particular loss did more to change the complexion of a normally otherwise successful season than any other. This loss was worse than our trip to Greensboro the previous year, and we thought we were playing the Georgia Bulldogs due to the Red and Black uniforms and that all familiar "G" on the helmets. The statement was made by bystanders as we walked in our perfectly uniform straight line to the field, "What are ya'll, The Junior High?" We were outmatched that day, and unfortunately we knew it, but the game of which I speak here was an even contest. I understand that most of the participants in this game may not want to risk injury at our advanced age, and will think this idea is insane at best. I beg to differ. Let's play the game! Just like in the Kurt Russell, Robin Williams classic movie "The Best of Times", we can do this gentlemen. The fact that we lost that game by one point, and it was such a fun and exciting game makes it worth playing again, doesn't it? I don't know, but I think it could even raise some money for charity too, because you know folks would want to see us old guys get after it. This type of thing has happened in different parts of the country. Look it up. This old Defensive End/Tight End wants one more moment in the sun. One more athletic contest. One more game. Let's do it. I've been trying to live by the motto, "Keep some sunshine on your face" lately. This means that you should do what makes you happy. That's the reason for my Uber Dad turn. Going back to college at 41. This blog. Well, football makes me happy too. I've got enough for one more game. How bout you?
Another thing I was reminded of while cutting grass was that Yellow Jackets make you do stupid stuff. I've had run-ins with these horrible creatures most of my life. I've been attacked many times, and these are very aggressive insects that pack a powerful sting. I've learned from past experiences that gas will kill them, but if you're going to set said gasoline on fire in the yellow jacket hole, Do it quick. Don't wait for the gas fumes to rise, because then you've got an explosion of epic proportions. Not that I've ever done that before or anything. I had one occasion at our present home where yellow jackets were underneath our deck, and were causing great issues for grilling out or just spending time outside. I decided to attack the yellow jacket stronghold. This is not a venture for the weak. I knew that these dastardly demons would try and sting me into oblivion, but I was up for the challenge. I covered my entire body in whatever I could find, and once finished I was covered in blankets and had a pillow case with eye holes cut out on my head. I kind of looked like the main character from that 80s horror movie, "The Town that Dreaded Sundown." I think that was the name of it. Well, imagine me, in my get up, running around in my backyard toting a can of gasoline. Trust me I got some strange looks and phone calls from neighbors on that day. Yellow jackets died, though, and that my friend is a good thing. I sent those yellow jackets to a gasoline induced watery grave. That's right. I may be a goof ball, but I can bring the pain.
Lastly, I would like to tell a bathroom story. If you've never had children or you're not crazy about the things that go on in a bathroom, Turn away now. Stop reading. You've been warned. Yesterday morning I had to take Maddie to school and swimming lessons and take Jesse to school also. This happens on Tuesday mornings most weeks when I have to get both children to school safely, because Cheryl has an early meeting. We didn't have any swimsuit issues this time (Thanks to the non cross-strap blue swimsuit.) However, after I had put all the swimming clothes on Maddie she had to go to the bathroom. I didn't see any other option but to take all the clothes back off for her to go. Once the deed was done I noticed there was no toilet paper. I hate that almost as much as I hate cross-strap swimsuits. I yelled out to Jesse to fetch some more toilet paper. He gave me the, "Yes sir" and was off. I waited. Waited some more. I heard plastic and toilet paper wrapping rustling, and then it stopped. I heard rustling again, and again. Finally, I thought "I don't believe he's coming back." Wouldn't have been a big deal, except for the fact that I'm sitting here with my naked daughter who desperately needs this toilet paper. Trust me. She really needed this toilet paper, and that's all I'm gonna say about that. Then I heard rustling again. I couldn't stand anymore, so I left poor Maddie alone and naked to go and seek out my lost son. I found him attempting to open the large container of toilet paper and the wrapping it was contained in. We are Sam's shoppers so we get industrial size packages of toilet paper. I told him, "We're going to have to work on the upper body strength there, killer." He's heck on the football field, baseball diamond, schoolyard, and you name it he get's after it, but he can't open the toilet paper package. I was able to finish the job with Miss Madison, because like my sweet "Granny" used to always tell me, "No job is finished until the paper work is done."
What have we learned today? We've learned that I'm a glutton for punishment and I want to re-play a 25 year old football game again and risk injury at my advanced age. We've learned that I hate yellow jackets. We've also learned that Jesse cannot open a toilet paper package. That's a lot to learn in one sitting. I am serious about re-playing this game, and even though I posted that in fun here, I would love to get enough people to play it. Who knows? We could make a movie about it. I would only need a cash advance and a percentage of the profits for coming up with the idea. That's all for now. Until we meet again.