Monday, June 17, 2013

Father's Day Fishing and The Uber Dad Song

     This past weekend was Father's Day, and I had an awesome time with my Uber Family.  We had a weekend full of fun and hijinks.  We did everything from fishing, yard sale's, birthday parties, wrestling matches, and everything in between.  It's a good idea to squeeze as much fun as you can into this life, because there just ain't much point to being here unless you can enjoy it while it lasts.  Feel free to use that little pearl or wisdom, and its free by the way.  Here is a bit of a recap of sorts, and at no extra charge I've thrown in my "Uber Dad Song" set to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies.  I can't write or read music so I have to borrow the musical framework for my lyrics.  I'm a word man not a music man.  Here goes the weekend events....This is where you would have that flashback wavy line thing with the music like they have in the movies.
     I was able to take Jesse fishing this weekend, and I took him to the exact same fishing hole that I once used when I was his age.  This felt like a passing of the torch in a way, and I was able to share many things with him.  How to correctly catch craw-dads is a must, and we saw quite a few.  I told him the stories of how we used to catch them at old Fultondale Park, and then set up Craw-dad fights.  There was a champion of the Craw-dads that I still remember to this day.  It was a huge one clawed monster of a crayfish.  He (or she not really sure how you tell) lost one of his claws somehow, but man alive that thing could fight.  Chop off a craw-dad head with one fail swoop of that giant remaining claw.  We called him "Cyclops" if memory serves, but seeing these creatures again brought back so many wonderful memories of my childhood.  I was very happy to be able to share these things with him.  We caught several small bream and released them to be on their merry way, and I couldn't help but think that these fish were probably descendants of the same fish that I once caught in this creek.  Jesse asked me a question during our journey, "Dad, are there snakes here?"  My response was, "Yes, but we probably won't see any today."  I left out the story about the "Mess of Snakes" that we got into in this very creek back during Memorial Day Weekend 1985.  Jesse was somewhat relieved and he said, "That's good, cause I saw a show on Discovery about Sea Snakes and they are the most venomous creatures in the world or something."  I told him that we weren't likely to see any sea snakes.  Copperhead maybe, but Sea Snake..probably not.  The old creek had grown up quite a bit, and it didn't seem to be used as much as it once was.  There's a park around it now, but I suppose most of the kids are on their devices inside instead of walking down the middle of a creek.  Times have changed, but it was really nice to get back to the way it used to be, even if it was for just a couple hours.
     One of the highlights of the weekend was a wrestling match.  I did get to witness the return of CM Punk Sunday night, but that is not the match of which I speak.  This match was a triple-threat match held in the Thunderdome in Mt. Olive, Alabama.  The participants were, "Mad Dog Maddie Meanness", "Jumping Jesse the Franchise", and "CJ "The Body/Best in the World Perry."  This was a very contentious match from the get go, and you could tell there was no love loss between these combatants.  Mid way through the match "Mad Dog" stuck CJ with a Dora Stove, a wiffle ball bat, and many other foreign objects. Jumping Jesse nearly connected with his patented "Piano jump", but the referee "Bad Mama Buzzkill" said the move was illegal.  The Mad Dog tried to make the other participants tap out repeatedly as she is the master of submission holds.  Her finishing move is a running forearm smash or as we like to call it, "The Path of Destruction."  The match continued for quite a while, but Bad Mama Buzzkill ended it on a "Nap clause."  I for one was outraged at such poor referee work, but you can't fight authority (Just ask John Camp-Cougarmelon).  The winner was declared to be CJ "The Body/Best in the World" Perry, and he retained his World Awesomeness Title of the World.  Jumping Jesse had these parting words, "You can say there is no I in team, but you know what there is an I in "Win", and you can't spell Awesome without a "Me" in it!!!  Wooooo!"  Mad Dog Maddie couldn't be reached for comment.
   Now the moment to unveil the Uber Dad song!  Now you have to sing this in the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies or it won't make sense.  That is assuming that it makes sense to begin with.  Here it is:

                Come and listen to a story bout a man called Perry;
                Young policeman found a pretty girl to marry,
                It happened one day in the middle of court-proceedings;
                Down the road to children was where this was leading,
                           Father He'll Be
                           Uber Dad You See

                The First Thing you Know a Baby Boy is born;
                Keeps the couple Happy and will never be forlorn,
                The Kin folks say he looks just like his Dad;
                Thats Ok as long as parachute pants and a mullet he doesn't ever have,
                What Else could happen to make them all Happy and Smiley:
                Maddie came along and now they're an Uber family.
                            Sweet was she
                            A sister to Jesse
                Yall come back now ya here!

     I know the song is pretty bad, but I never said I was a songwriter.  Although I had one I wrote back in the 8th grade that I just know would have been a hit.  It was called "Get off my Shoes" and it was about a guy dancing with a girl that couldn't dance and she kept stepping on his feet.  Well, anyway I had an awesome Father's Day weekend, as I guess you can tell.  I hope all you Fathers out there had a great one too, and those Single mother's without a father around, I hope yall had a great one also, because you have the hardest job in the entire world being both parents.  My hat is off too ya!  Until next time.