Monday, June 10, 2013

A to Z Survival Guide

A TO Z  Survival Guide for the Stay at Home Dad-  These are must have qualities for the Uber Dad

A- Adorable (This is a must when assistance is needed from women, but your kids can be the adorable ones if you do not fit the bill)

B- Brave (Diapers, Wal-Mart, Shopping, other Ailments or Sicknesses where Bravery is needed)
    Bug Juice Buying and Bribery should also be mentioned here.

C- Crazy (Obvious Reasons)

D- Determined (This is the hardest work you will ever do)

E- Exciting (Otherwise your kids will be bored.  Bored kids are the kiss of death)

F- Funny (See Above)

G- Garbage-Man-Like (Children produce a lot of trash)
     Gangnam Style (When your 4 year old wants to hear it over and over...and dance too)

H- Helpful (That's the name of the game)

I- Independent (You must be able to handle the "Business of Babies" without Mom being around)

J- Jazz Hands (See "Gangnam Style")

K- Kitchen Savvy (This is a must.  Cooking, cleaning, and just knowing where stuff is)

L- Lovable (To survive, the children must have affection for you- otherwise they will destroy you!)

M- Multi-Tasking (Big one!  Without this skill, survival is impossible)

N- "No" Saying (The word "No" is your friend, and is always a good response in any situation)

O- Om Chant (Regular meditation is a must so your Chi doesn't get wrapped around your Chakra)

P- Patience (This one I have not been able to master)
    Part Psychic (What's Wrong?  "I Don't Know" or "Nothing"  You must be able to figure out the issue)
    Poet's Soul (You have to look at life like Robert Frost on occasion to appreciate the position you're in)

Q- Quizzing (You will become a teacher whether you want to or not. See Homework for school)

R- Racer (Kids love a good race, especially Go-Carts.  Careful not to put any 8 year-olds or Grandmother's into the wall, although fun it is unacceptable at most Go-Cart tracks)

S- Superman (No explanation necessary)
    Super Cook (You will learn to prepare food)

T- Trustworthy (Children must feel like they can trust you or they will turn on you quickly)

U- Unflinching (You will have poop, all types of body fluids, and many other noxious substances on your person and you must keep moving forward..Regardless)

V- Very Cool (You Have to Channel your inner "Fonz," because kids love cool parents.  My philosophy, "I'd rather be dead and cool than alive and uncool" thanks Mickey Rourke.

W- Woman-Like (You have to become part Mom.  Dad's are different, and if you spend a lot of time with children, you have to be adept with the Mom role.  This one is tough!)

X- X-Ray Vision (See Superman)
    Just X-Rays (Bones will be Broken)

Y- Young at Heart (You must be young at heart to keep up with the kids today.  You will have:  Ball practice, Coaching, Dancing, Gymnastics, School, After School activities, Birthday Parties, Play Dates, Splash Pads, Swimming Pools, Public Parks, Science Centers, Children's Theater, Camps, Concession Stands, McDonalds, Burger King, Chuck E Cheese, Shopping Malls, Grocery Stores, Pediatricians......and the beat goes on and on and on.....

Z- Zany (See A through Y)

You could probably go through this list again, and come up with different traits that are necessary to survive, but this is a start.  The art of the Uber Dad is a living and breathing job and it is always evolving.  Further study is always needed.  Like the Spartans of old we must take the philosophy of "No Retreat and No Surrender!"  Hang in there fellow Fathers!  We are as ONE!!